Updated: Jan 24
As I watch my three-week-old grandson sleep, I am reminded that we are born with only two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All of our other fears are self-created. I wonder when my fears started and why. When did I start listening to someone who I thought knew more than me; someone who I thought was better than me? I let these individuals, who were probably just as afraid as I was, criticize me to the point that I gave up on a dream; a dream that didn't need to be seen as a threat to them; a dream that didn't hurt them. After all, my mindset is that there is enough for everyone and if I am successful, you too are successful. Yet, when I give into fear, that is not the belief I am living.
As I "grew up," I let fear keep me in a pseudo-safe box where I have limited the risks I took. I am not talking about risks that are life-threatening. I am talking about the times when I didn't try something new; when I didn't step out of my comfort zone; where I didn't take a chance even though I am exhilarated by the hope; by the opportunity; when I didn't keep writing out of fear of judgment; fear of humilitation; fear of rejection; fear of isolation; or fear of not being good enough. In a recent Master Class Group Coaching Call, Sara Landon, my spiritual coach explains, "If you believe God would set you up to fail, then you are limiting yourself. Within your thoughts you hold yourself in prison." Fear can be paralyzing, if we let it.
Thanks to Brene Brown (a favorite research professor, author, and motivational speaker), I call myself a "recovering perfectionist." In Daring Greatly (Gothem Books, 2012), Dr. Brown defines perfectionism as "a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everyting perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame" (p. 130). So I have been practicing being "good enough." I call it a practice because some days are better than others, but that is okay because life is messy, and we learn along the way. Sara reminds us to be gentle and not to judge ourselves. We can release our fears by staing conscious and present. Our love and light will restore us.
So in honor of my journey, I am "feeling the fear and doing it anyway." This is a quote borrowed from one of my life coaches, Joe. He kindly dared me to post a blog entry. Feel the fear and do it anyway has become one of my motto. I've been writing all summer, but not publicly posting even though I keep talking about it. His recommendation was to try writing for myself; not anybody else. So here I am... showing up. And if you stumble upon this entry, I welcome you into my heart-centered space. You're welcome to stay as long as you like.